If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
