Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
