"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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