He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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