I am spending my child support on dildos
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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