Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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