i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
