hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
