I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
