sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
