About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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