so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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