office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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