just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
