is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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