Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
