I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
