Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
