And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
