matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
