Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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