its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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