You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
