You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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