At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
