Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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