Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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