Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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