I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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