im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
