my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
