i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
