Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
