Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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