Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
