I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
