direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
