Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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