this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
