Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
