I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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