Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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