In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
