I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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