Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am spending my child support on dildos
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
