i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
