she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
