Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
