just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My breasts were aching with rage.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize