i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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