If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
