dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
