nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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