I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize