Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
