omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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