I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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