thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
