but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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