I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
