put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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