i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
