ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So. Much. Porn.
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