Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize