took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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