rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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