It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
