You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
