the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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