yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize