I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
