We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
