were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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