I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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