I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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