Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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