well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
