just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
