I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
