This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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