..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize