sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
