You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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